Tales of the Parodyverse

Lair Legion Thanksgiving Chronicles: The Semi-Annual Reposting!


Post By

Nats
Thu Nov 27, 2003 at 12:10:22 pm EST
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LAIR LEGION THANKSGIVING CHRONICLES

By Nats

Happy Thanksgiving To All, and To All a Happy Thanksgiving



'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, and all through the house, every creature was stirring, except for the mouse...

"Hot stuffing, comin' through!" Hatman said, with his 'Kiss the Cook' hat on. He set the steaming hot dish onto the dining room table.

"G-Eyed, set the table," Jay told his teammate, who teleported glasses, napkins, forks, knives, and spoons onto the table almost instantly.

Ziles slowly used telekinesis to hover the jug of apple cider over each glass, pouring in the desired amount of liquid.

Space Ghost sat on the couch pantless, while watching football with Donar and drinking beer.

"We need more chairs!" Hatman yelled. Exile went to it.

"On it!" he called back, creating a small train out of interdimensional energy to carry the chairs into the dining room.

The Dark Knight baked the dinner rolls with an Easy-Bake-Oven. Don't ask.

Sorceress used a spell so that the mashed potatoes would stir themselves, the microwave would press it's own buttons, and that the stovetop would turn off when the broccoli was ready. So she sat down to read a book.

Visionary3 lifted the large monitor with Edwin's face on it, and deposited it in the dining room, as Troia215, Amy Racecar, and Flapjack entered the room.

"The corn is getting cold!" Hatman yelled.

"No problem," said Amy Racecar, placing her hand on the dish and heating it up.

"Where'stheturkeyWhere'stheturkeyWhere'stheturkeyWhere'stheturkey?" Fin Fang Foom chanted, pacing the floor in anxiety. "What's taking them so long?"

***

"Which one d'ya want?" Trickshot asked Nats, as CrazySugarFreakBoy! pranced off to find the supermarket's comic books and Transformers action figures.

"Er.....that one," the redhead answered. "No wait....that one. Wait....how about that one...."

"C'mon, pick one! All the Butterballs have been taken already, so we're stuck with Aunt Petunia's Pre-Basted Turkey. And even they're goin' fast!"

Nats snatched one and walked to the cash register.

CSFB! found them in line, as he had an armful of assorted Spider-Man comics and Transformers.

"Dreeeeeeeeam, what're you doing?" Nats whined. "We're just getting the turkey."

"Oh, c'mon, I don't have these ones!"

"I don't care, we're doin' as the bossman says," the Irritating Archer told the SugarFreak! "Now put 'em back."

"No."

"I said---"

"I said no," Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove answered him. "Besides, we have enough money."

Nats checked his wallet. "I'm gonna have to ask Miss Framlicker for a raise," he said, taking out a twenty dollar bill.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you don't have enough," the female cashier told him.

"Um....okay," Nats spoke, looking for a credit card.

"C'mon, toots, yer beautiful....what say you let us slide this time? Or...well....I could pay you back ANOTHER way....erff!" Trickshot grunted, as the cashier hit him over the head with the bar code scanner.

CSFB! slapped down a fifty on the counter. Nats looked at him with wide eyes. "What can I say?" the silly-suited hero smiled. "Mr. Book doesn't know what other way to put up with me."

The bagboy bagged the items, and handed them to Nats. CSFB! helped Trickshot stumble to his feet. The Irritating Archer rubbed his head, where a small bump had developed.

CSFB! and Nats sat in the front of the Aunt Sally, while Trickshot and the groceries sat in the back. CrazySugarFreakBoy! started the Whiz Wagon, and then took off into the night air.

As the Aunt Sally flew higher and higher, Nats got worried. "Er...CSFB!? Aren't you going a little to high? Besides, it's starting to---"

KRAKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Lightning blasted the Aunt Sally out of the sky, and the flying car collided into the woods, sending the grocery bag flying into a pit of mud, where lightning struck again, and then a tree fell on the spot.

"Toldja," Nats grumbled.

"My comics and action figures! Nooooooooooooooooo!" CSFB! shouted.

"Worse yet----the turkey!" Trickshot bellowed. "What're we gonna do now? Finny was expectin' us back a while ago! And by now, all the turkeys are gone at the store!"

"Gobble-gobble!"

"What wazzat?" Carl Bastion questioned, listening harder.

Rustle, rustle!..................."Gobble-gobble!" he heard.

A real, live turkey appeared among the bushes.

"This is our lucky day, guys!" Tricky grinned, taking out his bow and brandishing a steel-tipped arrow. He pointed it at the bird's head.

"Carl, you're not gonna kill it, are you?" Nats asked him. I mean, the store-bought stuff is practically genetically-grown.....this guy's real! You can't just kill a defenseless animal because of some dumb American tradition!"

"Yeah, Tricky," CSFB! sniffed, still mourning over the loss of his toys and literature. "It's bad enough all ready, just let the guy go."

Trickshot stared the turkey down, almost paying no attention to his teammates.

The turkey looked back with giant eyes. A small tear began to develop in its eye. "Gobble?" it gobbled.

Trickshot began to let go of the arrow as he contemplated.

***

*Ding-dong*

"Finally!" Fin Fang Foom, Makluan leader of the LL said, flinging open the doors. The rest of the Lair Legion accompanied him.

"Hope ya like tofu!" Trickshot boomed, showing everyone the dish of meat-free turkey he had bought at the supermarket.

"WHAT???" Hatman screeched. "But---but---"

The same turkey that met three members of the LL entered the mansion, gobbling.

"Awwwwwwww.......how cute," Sorceress said, picking up the bird.

"Well....I guess....aw, what the heck," Hatman shrugged. "Let's dig in!"

And so the Lair Legion(and their turkey friend) enjoyed the delicious meal....of tofu.

***

The jolly fat man in the brown suit peered through the window, observing the cheerful time had by all. The turkey inside turned to him, and the man winked at it. The turkey winked back.

Then the pleasantly plump man sat in his sleigh and flew off into the sky...as his flock of turkeys pulled the sleigh.

"Happy Thanksgiving to all......and to all a good night!" he laughed into the air.

"Hmm....did I just hear something?" Finny said to himself between bites.

THE END!

~Nats
*takes off with the turkeys*





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